quotes audio files

tthese first came in ericäs evergreen terrace. now they are here and growin’….

Rob Baur of Lake Oswego, Oregon, dreamed of bringing to life his favorite from The Simpsons episode, one from 1999 in which Homer grows “tomacco,” a combination tomato-tobacco plant. Even though it tastes foul and has a brown, gooey center, the entire town becomes addicted to the fruit after one bite, and Homer gets rich.

If you want to add your impersonation to this page, all you need to do is imitate the voice of a Simpsons character, record your quote to a sound file, and e-mail it to us! Feel free to impersonate anyone, from Homer to Lisa to Mr. Burns. You may say a quote from The Simpsons or use your own wording; it’s entirely up to you. When you’re done, with your audio clip attached. More instructions are below.

1. State your name at the very end of your impersonation, so we’ll know you’re not using a clip from The Simpsons itself.

2. Tell us what Simpsons character you’re imitating in your e-mail.

3. Try to keep your audio clip under 3 MB in size.

4. You may submit more than one clip to us. Thank you!

send your impersonation – now by with your audio clip attached.

In the spring of 1991, O’Brien left Saturday Night Live. That fall O’Brien signed on as a writer and producer for the Fox series The Simpsons, where he also became a supervising producer. In a speech he gave at Harvard on Class Day in 2000, O’Brien credited The Simpsons with “saving” him, a reference to the career slump he was experiencing prior to his hiring for that show. Of the episodes he wrote while there, he considers Marge vs. the Monorail to be his favorite. Check the Special page for Conan with the voices from the Simpsons.

AKIRA
“Ah hah hah, ah hah hah, ahh, ah, your humble website has been deemed worthy of existing in the honorable bookmark list of Akira, from The Simpsons.” – Rex Lee akira-rexlee.mp3
“Hey, he looks like you! Ah, hah hah, ah, ah.” – Claire Hojnacki akira-claire.mp3

APU NAHASAPEEMAPETILON
“I see you like my tofu dogs.” – Luis Andrade apuclip.wav
“I can’t believe you don’t shut up!” – Brad Dugan apu-dugan.mp3
Ned Flanders: “…Can’t put a price on a miracle!”
Apu: “I can’t believe you don’t shut up! Oh, I am sorry, I have been rude. As a token of apology, please take one of these babies.” – Jonah Flynn apu-flynn.mp3
“I’m not sure, I’m not sure if you heard me correctly, sir. You cannot have a giant Squishee. I don’t care if your name is Anthony Moody.” – Anthony Moody apu-moody.mp3
“I won’t lie to you. On this job, you will be shot at.” – Frank M. apu-frank.mp3
“He slept, he stole, he was rude to the customers…. still, there goes the best damned employee a convenience store ever had.” – Frank M.apu2-frank.mp3

BARBER AT ANIPPY LONG S TOCKINGS
“If you keep squirming there’s going to be a little bald girl with no lollipop.” – Ben Bishop barber.mp3

BARNEY GUMBLE
“What kind of pathetic drunk do you take me for?! (gasp) Someone spilled beer in this ashtray! (slurp) Ah!” – Dan B. barney-danb.mp3
“Have you heard the latest, Homer? Anthony Moody sounds just like me.” – Anthony Moody barn-moody.wav
“…If you have a problem, no one else can help, and you can’t find them, maybe you can hire the A Team (belch).” – Anthony Moody barn2-moody.mp3
Here is Tom Neyens’ attempt at imitating Barney. barney-tom.wav
“That’s just drunk talk, sweeeet beautiful drunk talk.” – Charles Lloyd drunktalk.mp3

BART SIMPSON
“Woaaah ho, here we go.” – Stefanie Becker bart-stefanie.wav

BLEEDING GUMS MURPHY
“Oh, come on Lisa, I got a date with Billie Holiday.” – Ben Bishop murphy.mp3
“You’ve made an old jazzman happy, Lisa. You must avenge my death, Kimba, d-I mean, Simba. Luke, I am your father. This is CNN. Would you guys pipe down? I’m saying goodbye to Lisa. We’re sorry.” – Ben Bishop jazzman.mp3

BUMBLEBEE MAN
Here’s Luis Andrade’s impression of the Bumblebee Man. beeman.wav
“No, que lastima!” – Dan B. bee-danb.wav

CHIEF WIGGUM
“Umm, Ralphie, if your nose starts bleeding it means you’re picking it too much… or not enough. This is police chief Daniel Gottesman.” – Daniel Gottesman chief-daniel.wav
“Aww c’mon, continue. C’mon…aww…all right Lou, open fire.” – Dan B. chief-danb.mp3
“Lookin’ good boys, especially you, Falcone.” – Joshua Falcone falcone.mp3

CLETUS
“Hey ma, cousin Anthony Moody sounds just like me.” – Anthony Moody cletus-moody.wav
“Hey ma, look at that pointy haired little girl, hu-yuck!” – Frank M. cletus-frank.mp3
Listen to the Cletus scene from “22 Short Films About Springfield.” – Alex Wall & Gareth Watts cletus.mp3
“Hey ma, tell everyone that Allen Harrison sounds just like me, (singing) ‘cuz I’m Cletus the slack-jawed-yokel!” – Allen Harrison yokel.mp3
“Never you mind, Brandine, you just go back to birthin’ that baby, ’cause I’m Cletus the slack-jawed-yokel!” – Davide yokel2.mp3

COMIC BOOK GUY
“Worst episode ever.” – Vanessa Campbell worstever.wav
“This impersonation of myself is, without a doubt, the worst episode ever.” – Daniel Gottesman cbg-daniel.wav
“This, this is worth nothing.” – Alex Jones cbg-alex.wav
“Are you the creator of Hi and Lois, for you are making me laugh.” – Evan Serwinski cbg-evan.mp3
“But Aqua Man, you cannot marry a woman without gills, you’re from two different worlds…… oh, I’ve wasted my life.” – Kevin Mears aquaman.mp3
“Worst episode ever.” – Jarrod worstever.mp3
“Very well, I shall return back to my comic book store where I dispense the insults rather than absorb them.” – Ben Bishop insults.wav

DNA PROFESSOR
from “Who Shot Mr.
Burns? (Part Two)”
“Whoa, hey there, DNA testing takes 6 to 8 weeks ….did I say weeks? ‘Cause I meant seconds.” – Kevin Bradley dna.wav

DR. NICK
“Hi, everybody!” – Dan B. drnick-danb.mp3

DUFF MAN
“Duff Man can’t breathe!” – Mike Ferro breathe.wav
“Are you ready to get Duffed?!” – Frank M. duffman.mp3
“That’s a mug you don’t want to chug, ohhh yeah!” – Kevin Bradley chug.mp3
“Duffman cant breathe, oh no.” – Brendan Fahey ohno

FRANK GRIMES
“I’m not your buddy, Simpson. I don’t like you. In fact, I hate you. Stay the hell away from me!” – Mark Veldhuizen grimes-mark.mp3

GIL THE SALESMAN
Here’s an outstanding collection of Gil quotes voiced by Jonah Flynn. gil-flynn.mp3

GROUNDSKEEPER WILLIE
“Aye, I’ve got a cripple of arthritis in my index fingers. I got it from space invaders in 1972.” – Dan B. willie-danb.mp3

HELEN LOVEJOY
Helen:(sobs)Oh someboby please think of the children ! – Kate Burton helen

HOMER SIMPSON
“D’oh!” – Andrew Marulanda doh-andrew.wav
“D’oh!” – Brendan Csaposs doh-brendan.mp3
“Exactly…heh heh heh….d’oh!” – Mike Sopinka homer-mike.wav
“Mmm…beer.” – Justin Walter mmmbeer.wav
“Now Marge, you’re gonna hear a lot of craaaazy stories about Bart working in a burlesque house.” – Matt Hauser homer-matt.mp3
“First you didn’t want me to get a pony. Now you want me to send it back. Make up your mind!” – Phillip Cary pony.mp3
“Hello, I’m Homer Simpson and this is my impersonation of Jonah Schwartz.” (Hah) – Jonah homer-jonah.mp3
Homer: “Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.”
Mailman: “Okay, Mr. Burns, what’s your first name?”
Homer: “I… don’t know.” – Gareth Watts letter.mp3 ”
You know me, Marge. I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaaaaaming!” – Matt Hauser flaming.mp3
“D’oh!” – Louis M. H. d’oh.mp3
“Oooo! Your hands are cold doctor!” – Eric Schuran eric-homer.mp3
Here’s kaizer soze’s impression of Homer in the post office scene from “Blood Feud” kaizer-i’m homer.wav and another impression of him saying “I’m Homer” kaizer-letter for mr burns.wav
Homer’s annoyed grunt – kaizer soze kaizer-doh.wav
Impersonation by Eric Shuran of Homer. homer-beer

HUCKLEBERRY HOUND
from “Behind the Laughter”
“I was soooo gay. But I couldn’t tell anybody!” – AJ Doucett huckleberry.mp3

KANG AND KODOS
Kang: “I am Admiral Kang and this is my sister, Kodos.”
Kodos: “Hello.” – Dan B. aliens-danb.mp3

KIRK VAN HOUTEN
“Uh, that’s okay, Homer. You know me, and I’m a superstar at the cracker factory.” – Dan B. kirk-danb.mp3
Kirk: “Uhh, you’re letting me go?!”
Executive: “Kirk, crackers are a family food. Happy families. Maybe single people eat crackers…we don’t know. Frankly, we don’t want to know. It’s a market we can do without.”
Kirk: “So, that’s it. After 20 years, ‘So long, good luck.’?”
Executive: “I don’t recall saying ‘Good luck.'” – Frank M. kirk-frank.mp3
* “Uhh, Milhouse, give him back his soul. I’ve got work in the morning.” – Frank M. kirk-frank2.mp3

KRUSTY THE CLOWN
Krusty: “And here she is, kids. My new court order sidekick: Mrs. No Means No. Mmmwoah, you’re hot! Want to get something after the show? …But I have dinner with all my co-stars, right, Mel?”
Sideshow Mel: “We’ve never spoken outside of work.”
Krusty: “Heh heh…ah ha ha..ohhhhh.” – Dan B. krusty-danb.mp3
“Wuh heh heh heh heh heh! Ugh…I need a drink.” – Dan B. krusty2-danb.mp3
“Uggghhhh… shouldn’t have turned down those cue cards.” – Adam Wolf krustywolf.mp3

LITTLE GIRL
from “The PTA Disbands”
“Hello? Mrs. Pommelhorse? I’d like to get down now.” – Brad Dugan girl-dugan.mp3
Marge Simpson “Hmmmmmm!” – Brad Dugan mar-dugan.mp3
“This is a new sound which I’m trying out now. Thank you, Anthony Moody, for your assistance.” – Anthony Moody mar-moody.wav

MILHOUSE
“No, I think she’s hot!” – Angi Duke milhouse.mp3

MR. BURNS
“Good lord, Smithers, you look atrocious. I thought I told you to take a vacation.” – Adam Graczyk burns-adam.wav
“Let’s all go to the lobby, let’s all go to the lobby, let’s all go the lobby and get ourselves some snacks.” – Adam Graczyk burns2-adam.mp3
“Oh, how I love that cheesecake.” – Jason Graczyk burns-jason.wav “Excellent.” – Justin Walter burns-justin.wav
Mr. Burns: “Smithers, tell me who that is.”
Smithers: “Why it’s Anthony Moody, sir, a drone from 9G.”
Mr. Burns: “Oh, well call this Anthony Moody to my office. …Oh yes, he’s fired.” – Anthony Moody burns-moody.mp3
Mr. Burns: “Smithers, who’s that lazy procrastinator in Section 7G?”
Smithers: “Umm, that would be Simpson, sir.”
Mr. Burns: “Excellent. Have him terminated at once. But first… let’s go to the lobby for a snack. That was Eric Kneifel doing Mr. Burns and Smithers.” – Eric Kneifel terminated.mp3
“Excellent.” – kaizer soze kaizer-burns.wav
Burns singing Happy Birthday to Smithers – kaizer soze kaizer-birthday.wav
Ned Flanders “Well, if God didn’t make little green apples it’s Homer Simpson!” – Dave C. (vegasian) apples.mp3

OTTO
“Wooaaah, hey there little Lisa.” – Eric Kneifel otto-eric.mp3
“Can we get one of those guitars that’s like a, you know, double guitar?” – Frank M. otto-frank.mp3
“…But if you need proof of my identity, I wrote my name on my underwear. Ohh, oh wait, these aren’t mine.” – Frank M. otto2-frank.mp3
Bart: “Otto, wait, why don’t you come with me? You can stay in our garage.”
Otto: “A garage! Ohh, somebody up there likes me!” – Frank M. otto3-frank.mp3
Patty: “…When you do good, I’ll use the green pen. When you do bad, I’ll use the red pen. Any questions?”
Otto: “Yeah, one. Have you always been a chick? I mean, I don’t wanna offend you, but you were born a man, weren’t you? You can tell me, I’m open-minded.” – Frank M. otto4-frank.mp3
“The only thing I was ever good at was driving a bus, and now the man says I need a piece of paper to do that.” – Frank M. otto5-frank.mp3
“Drivin’ the bus is all I know how to do, but now the man says I need a piece of paper to do it!” – Matt Hauser otto-matt.mp

PATTY BOUVIER
“Marge, you could’ve done a lot better than marrying that fat slob, Homer. Oh look, MacGyver’s on!” – Simran Dhadda patty-simran.wav
Patty: “Now say, ‘I am Homer Simpson, the lowly dog’ …in a dog’s voice!”
Homer: “I am Homer.” – Dan B. patty-danb.mp3

PIMPLE THE FACE KID
“Here’s your taco, sir. Whoops, it dropped in the frier. I’ll get it. Oww! Oww!” – Justin Polokoff pfk-justin.mp3
“…It happened again!” – Frank M. pfk-frank.mp3

PROFESSOR FRINK
“Ahh, you stupid monkey…” – Alex Jones monkey.wav
“Oh no, my wife is going to kill me… mmmhey!” – Ross Byrne frink-rossb.mp3

RADIO ANNOUNCER
“All right, this is dedicated to Bart Simpson, with the message ‘I am coming to kill you, slowly and painfully.'” – Claire Hojnacki announcer.mp3

RAINIER WOLFCASTLE (MCBAIN)
“Homer, remember to wipe your sweat off the machine. I got a terrible rash last night.” – Dave Gutierrez rash.wav
“From here they appear to be tied, but I will go in for a closah’ look…..on further inspection, deese are loafers.” – Nate Gilmore mcbain-nate.wav
“Sherman, I just realized you made fun of me. Now you will pay…” – [email protected] mcbain.mp3

RALPH WIGGUM
“I saw Principal Skinner and Mrs. Krabappel in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me.” – Jesse R. babies.mp3
“I’m special. My cat’s name is Mittens.” – Davide di Michellangelo special.wav
Here is Kyle Veatch’s attempt at imitating Ralph.ralph-kyle.wav
“Ms. Hoover? I don’t have a red crayon. I ate it.” – Caitlin Sisquo ralph.mp3
“No, the doctor told me I wouldn’t have so many nosebleeds if I kept my finger outta there.” – Jay Labansky nosebleeds.wav
“Bushes are nice ’cause they don’t have prickers — unless they do. This one did. Ouch!” – Gareth Watts ralphbush.mp3
“When I grow up I want to be a principal or a caterpillar. I love you Principal Skinner” – Kate Burton ralphbykate
“Me fail english? That unimpossible” Kate Burton ralph02
“It taste like burning” – Kate Burton burning
“When I grow up I want to be a principal or calipillar. I love you Principal Skinner”. – Kate Burton ralph03

ROD AND TODD FLANDERS
“Daddy says dice are evil. We just move one space at a time. It’s less fun that way.” – Jake “Duff” Stegel evildice.wav
“Iron helps us play!” – Jake “Duff” Stegel iron.wav

ROY
“Yo yo, how’s it hangin’ everybody?” – Frank M. roy-frank.mp3

SARCASTIC CLERK
“Hey fatty, I’ve got a movie for yah: ‘A Fridge Too Far'” – Frank M. clerk-frank.mp3
“Yeah, ya better make it quick, kids. In five minutes this place is turning into a Starbucks.” – Andrew Campbell clerk.mp3
“Holster. Bandoleer. Silencer. Loudener. Speed-cocker. And this thing’s for shooting down police helicopters.” – Jimmy Critch guns.mp3

SELMA BOUVIER
“We know something you don’t want Marge to know. Now we own you, like Siegfried owns Roy.” – Frank M. selma-frank.mp3
Senôr Ding-Dong Senôr Ding-Dong: “It is I, Senôr Ding-Dong!”
Lisa: “I thought you were just a marketing gimmick.”
Senôr Ding-Dong: “There was a time when that was true, but now, Senôr Ding-Dong lives again!” – Gareth Watts dingdong.mp3

SHERRI AND TERRI
Sherri: “Look at him, I bet he didn’t study again.”
Terri: “And now he’s gonna try to kiss up and get answers from us. He’s pathetic.” – Angi Duke pathetic.mp3

SHERRY BOBBINS
Sherry Bobbins: Hello my name is Sherry Bobbins
Homer: Did you say Mary Poppins
Sherry Bobbins: No I said Sherry Bobbbins. I am an original creation like Rickey Rouse or Monald Muck. – Kate Burton sherry.wav

SNAKE
“All right… I’m taking this thing to Mexico.” – Frank M. snake-frank.mp3
“Yoink dot com backslash losers!” – Evan Serwinski snake-evan.wav

SNOWBALL II
Here’s an imitation of Snowball II submitted by Nils and Nina. snowball.wav

SUPERINTENDANT CHALMERS
Chalmers: “Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?”
Skinner: “Yes.” – Dan B. chalm-danb.mp3

TROY MCCLURE
“Hi, I’m Troy McClure. You might remember me from such fishing films as ‘Cast Out’ or ‘The Reel Deal.’ That was Eric Kneifel doing Troy McClure.” – Eric Kneifel McClure.mp3

TV SALESMAN AT THE ODGENVILLE OUTLET MALL
“Listen, I’m not gonna lie to ya, those are superior machines. But if you like to watch TV … and I mean really watch it, you want the Carnivale…” – Kevin Bradley salesman.mp3

VERY TALL MAN
“Do you find something comical about my appearance when I’m driving my automobile? Everyone needs to drive a vehicle.” – Eric McKeon tallguy-eric.mp3
“Should I therefore be made the subject of fun?” – Dave C. (vegasian) VTM.mp3

VINCENT PRICE
Vincent Price: “Hello, my name is Vincent Price, mwahahahah. Hello men, I’ve been waiting for you, mwahah. Blast this infernal clutch!”
Jody: “Give it some gas, grampa.”
Vincent Price: “Quiet, Jody.” – Kevin Mears vincent.mp3

VARIOUS CHARACTERS
Ned Flanders: “Hi diddly ho there, neighboroone.”
Homer: “Shut up, Flanders.”
Ned Flanders: “Well, whatcha got goin’ on there, Homer? I see a little thing going on..”
Homer: “I said ‘Shut up.'” – Jake Lennington shutup.wav
Mr. Burns: “Smithers! I think I’ll give you a raise!”
Nelson: “Ha ha!”
Homer: “D’oh!”
Mr. Burns: “Recorded by Stephen Goldhorn.” – Stephen Goldhorn raise.wav
Homer: “D’oh!”
Marge: “Mmmmm.”
Bart: “Aye, carumba!”
Mr. Burns: “Excellent.” – Dan B. phrase-danb.mp3
Dan B: “Wait, so instead of imitating one cartoon clown I’ve imitated two? That’s much worse.”
Krusty: “About five thousand volts worse if you know what I mean! Aaanhh, bzzzz, sizzle.” – Dan B. clowns-danb.mp3
This is the scene from when Manjula’s water breaks in “Eight Misbehavin.'” – Alex Wall & Gareth Watts kwik-e-mart.mp3
Grampa Simpson is nearly shot by Burns’ assassin in “The Curse of the Flying Hellfish.” – Gareth Watts assassination.mp3
Pro wrestler Bret Hart dislikes the “old man” stink in Mr. Burns’ mansion, so Smithers tries to cheer up Burns. – Boyd and Davide oldman.mp3 Cletus and Cousin Merle bring terrible news to Sideshow Bob and his brother. – Stephen Frizzle 4F14.mp3
Bart and Milhouse want an all-syrup super squishee, but Apu is hesitant. – Adam Wolf squishee.mp3
Hanks Moleman saying “boo-urns” – kaizer soze kaizer-hans.wav
Homer: Whadda ya think Marge? All I need is a title. I was thinking something along the lines of ‘No TV And No Beer Make Homer… something something’.
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Don’t mind if I do! (goes crazy) – Kate Burton no beer
Ralph: Miss Hoover, my worm went in my mouth and then I ate it. Can I have a new one?
Hoover: There aren’t any more, Ralph. Just try to sleep while the other children are learning.
Ralph: Oh boy, sleep! That’s when I’m a viking! – Kate Burton viking
Impersonation is the Stiper from Teleboobies from ‘Blame it on Lisa’
Stiper:Clockwise(tassles spin clockwise). Counter-Clockwise(tassles spin counter-clockwise). – Kate Burton stiper
Tobias from ‘Bart vs Australia’ saying “He said it was an emergency” – Kate Burton to

if you’re really reading this i would like to saythe simpsons folder you